Find Philosophical
Turn birthdays into a smart way to express your feelings about the process of getting older. These humorous birthday card messages are easy and enjoyable.

1. “You’re certainly not old. You’ve aged to perfection.”

2. “Statistics reveal that people with the highest number of birthdays also live longest.”

3. “Remember that getting old is a requirement, however being a grown-up is optional!”

4. “Age is simply the amount of years that the world has been having fun with you.”

5. “As you get silver hair and develop wrinkles, be aware that you’re increasing your wisdom!”

6. “If Jesus were your name, today would be Christmas! Jesus then today is Christmas!”

7. “It’s more beneficial to be on top of the hill rather than beneath it.”

8. “Another day later is another day to have a cake.”

9. “You are aware of the sayings about candles … more of a wish!”
Senior Citizen Status

Certain things scream “senior citizen,” such as the AARP membership or reverse mortgages, as well as an endless supply of hard candy. Take the burden off of your ageing by laughing at everything that is related to the age of.

10. “Here’s for many more cycles about the Sun. Let us hope that you will live to be old and toothless. Jell O is the future’s caviar!”

11. “Even even at your old age You’re still the most wonderful friend anyone could ever have. I’ll have the prune juice ready, however.”

12. “Happy birthday, old man! I wish this year to be filled with happiness, depend as well as prune juice and compress socks.”

13. “Happy birthday! I am smelling the smell of Bengay from the corner of my mouth… Oh my!”

14. “If someone calls you old, smack them with a cane and take your jaws at them.”

15. “Another year has passed and you’re one step closer to acquiring the Velcro footwear!”

16. “Remember to begin taking your daily vitamins and supplements for fiber”You older fogey!”

17. “You’re officially old. We’re looking forward to writing checks at the store, solving the NYT crossword puzzle with a pen and eating dinner before 5pm to sleep until 9 pm (you’re right 8pm is more likely)! !”
Happy Birthday Card Messages

Make sure to wish the birthday person or family member a wonderful day filled with joy, love and all the PUN stuff they’re capable of handling (get it? ).

18. “Turn up the MEWsic , and Let’s get him started on his PAWty!”

19. “Here’s an OAST for BUTTER tomorrow – you’re deserved to be able to enjoy the day in BREAD! I love you.”

20. “Feliz cumpleanos. Have a FLAN-tastic Birthday!”

21. “It you’re celebrating your birthday today, it is your birthday, BATTER you believe that!”

22. “You FETA have a GOUDA birthday.”

23. “What is the 21st day of your birthday? It’s your BEER-thday.”

24. “Turning 21… there’s nothing to drink about.”

25. “Have an amazing birthday. Hope it’s not too cheesy.”

26. “Happy birthday. You’re one of the MELON.”

27. “A birthday cake as golf balls. You have to smash it.”

28. “The cat’s gone and you’re one-year older. Hope your birthday leaves you FELINE good!”

29. “It’s you birthday? ALPACA my party cap.”

30. “Wishing you LLAMA celebration for your special day!”

31. “Go, Shawty! This is Sherbert Day!”

32. “Have an amazing birthday!”
Dad Jokes to come to the rescue

What happens when you mix puns and a hilarious birthday joke? A dad joke, DUH! Who doesn’t enjoy funny dad jokes? You can add one (or several) of these eye-rolling dad jokes for laughter on your birthday.

33. “What kind of music would be in danger to use for balloons on birthdays? Music from the pop genre.”

34. “How do they celebrate their birthdays? They are a favorite.”

35. “Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Bacon? Bacon, who? Bacon cake to celebrate the day of your birthday.”

36. “What is the only thing that goes up and never decreases? The age of your body.”

37. “Why did the birthday cake come out so hard like an iceberg? It was the size of a marble cake.”

38. “What did one vegetable tell the other one on the day of its birthday? “Ha pea happy birthday.”

39. “What did the bear’s voice say after blowing out candles for his birthday? I’m not getting cake I’m overstuffed!”

40. “What was one candle’s message to another candle? Aren’t birthdays a way to cause you to burn?”

41. “Did you know about the huge party candle sales? It was a massive explosion.”

42. “What do birthdays always end with? The letter”Y.”

43. “What’s the elf’s most favorite type of cake for a birthday? Shortcake.”

44. “What would you tell an ewe’s female for her birthday? Happy birthday to the ewe!”

45. “What do you buy for a hunter’s birthday? A birthday bird like a pheasant.”

46. “How do raccoons mark their birthdays? They get mangled.”

47. “Why do cats enjoy birthdays? They are a purrrfect animal.”

48. “How do cats celebrate their birthday? by raising the mewsic.”

49. “What can a turtle do for a birthday? He is a shell-a-brates.”

50. “What did one of the crustaceans tell the other one for his birthday? Have a crab-u-lous day!”
Funny Comments about Aging

For offensive birthday cards check out our website.

It’s only a number after all, isn’t it? You are free to poke amusement at the age of someone else and the challenges they’ll need to contend with as years go by.

51. “With getting older is the development of new skills. Now you can smile, laugh, cough and even pee all at once! But wait… It’s been like this for the last 30 years. I hope you have a wonderful day!”

52. “Don’t forget to put on your birthday outfit. However, make sure you examine it for wrinkles before you wear it!”

53. “Happy Birthday! You’re now at the age that the fire marshal won’t let us put actual candles in your birthday cake!”

54. Happy birthday my sweet babu! I can’t believe that you’re 40 when I’m just 21. I hope that you are excited about large red cakes and moisturizing to prevent wrinkles.

55. “You are aware that you’re getting older when you’re a little cautious and that’s all you want to do to get fit.”

56. “Yes we’ve attained the age where every compliment we receive is followed by ‘for you’re getting old’. You’re still gorgeous… in you age!”

57. “Remember the fact that age only an actual number… it’s just one that is really, REALLY high one in your situation!”

58. “Hope you enjoy a fantastic day full of cake and glitter , and perhaps sleeping in all night (because it’s an old age).”

59. “As you age there are three things that happen. The first is that your memory fades and I’m unable to remember the second and third.”

60. “Happy birthday! Have a great time however, not too hard I’ve heard that hangovers become worse as you the advancing years.”
Include Inside Jokes

There’s nothing more enjoyable than a sincere than a great old-fashioned inside joke. They speak volumes about the relationship you have with your birthday boy or girl. They demonstrate how you’ve been through thick and thin and emerge from all of it with laughs with plenty of laughter. Include something that just the two of you are able to share, and it’s that personal quality that truly hits the spot.

61. “Party loud, however bring a second pair of underwear this time”

62. “Happy birthday, my dearest friend! I hope you have the most wonderful day to celebrate. I’m excited to kiss you on the cheek in the next few months. Love you always.”

63. “Happy birthday best friend! Here’s to another great year in which we laugh at ourselves, talk to dumb people, and keeping each other in a healthy state!”
A Joke About Presents — or the Lack of It

You didn’t get an item of gift … This is fine since you’re sending them a fabulous Punkpost gift card! It will give your loved ones the chance to laugh.

64. “Because you are so important to me, I gave you this piece of paper cut in two! I’d love to have us have a celebration together, but instead you’ll get this fantastic card. It’s pretty much the exact as the other card.”

65. “I’m certain we’ll get your… some thing… or something useful. In the event that we don’t manage to get it together I’d suggest you buy a gift card.”

66. “They claim that love and friendship is the greatest gift you can give to someone. That’s why I bought you for the day you turned a birthday!”

67. “You’re an extremely difficult person to find… therefore I didn’t give you something. Happy Birthday!”

68. “Forget everything you know about your past because you can’t alter it. Don’t think about what’s to come, because you cannot predict it. Let’s forget about the present. I didn’t give you one.”
Create It Around You

We do take care of our dear ones. We wouldn’t even send cards in the first place! However, to keep things light and fun, make their birthday into your own reason to have a celebration.

69. “Happy Birthday to our talented, smart incredible, amazing and adorable niece! You definitely resemble your most beloved auntie Hehe!”

70. “Happy Birthday to my little brother, who has the most amazing sister! You’re so blessed! We hope this brings you a feel happy and smile the rest of your wonderful day!”

71. “Happy birthday, mom! Whatever your life throws at you it is at least possible to be content that for the fact that you don’t have ugly children. From The Pretty One!”

72. “See I do not give a shit! I wish you an awesome birthday! Your snarky best friend.”

73. “Thanks for getting older and wiser. You’ve let me know when I can expect wrinkles and grey hair.”

74. “Your birthday is the day we get to go out, eat amazing food, and then party all night. Thank you that you were born!”

75. “Smart nice, attractive and humorous. That’s enough of me. Happy Birthday!”

76. “Let’s make your blood flowing that you think that it’s my birthday. You’ll be buying me drinks all night long.”
Start a Welcoming Committee

If you’re a bit older than your buddy tell them what’s coming up as they enter their new age or decade.

77. “Happy 21st Birthday MF! Welcome to the Dark Side!”

78. “Welcome to the definitely-in-you-late-20s club! It’s wonderful that to have our 401ks and we know what we want from life! SIKE! I’m still unsure of shit and I’ll never be able to be able to”

79. “Welcome into the 30s, when people start having babies Body parts hurt without cause and hangovers last for 2 days, and falling asleep by 9pm is a common routine at all times, even during weekends. The process of aging is wonderful!”

80. “Happy birthday!!!! Is it 40?? You’re welcome to our club! I hope you’ll like Advil or night cream. We love you!”

Death Defying

There’s no way to overstate the fact that a year of age means that you’re one year closer to dying… It’s scary! Add some comedy to the scenario and let them be aware that you’re happy they’re active and healthy.

81. “If I’m an old person, then you’re definitely old. It’s a fact that I am old due to my wrinkles, gray hairs and organ problems. I wish you an amazing day. It could be your last. …”

82. “Here’s to being alive on the outside, but losing your life on the inside!”

83. “I’m very happy that you’re not dead yet! I wish you an amazing day with all your old foes playing golf, as well as eating red meat till you pass away from the disease of the gastrointestinal tract.”

82. “Be careful. Many birthdays could cause you to die.”

84. “Happy birthday! Don’t die.”

85. “At the very least, you’re not old as you’ll become next year… should you’re able to make it!”

86. “I will cease telling jokes about age for your birthdays now… You’ve reached the point that it’s not really funny no more.”

87. “You’ve survived another year under the sun, and boy am I happy for this. I could not envision my life in the absence of you, so remain alive!”

88. “Keep your spirits alive, man. Happy late (but when is the time is it really?) birthday!”
Confetti Fun

Surprise!! It’s an undiscovered CONFETTI BOMB!! Include confetti and one of these messages on any birthday card and make the recipient laugh and then sigh with frustration.

89. “You are the best!.”

90. “You already knew that confetti was on the way. I hope you have a wonderful birthday!”

91. “We are so happy for you and wish you have a wonderful day! Take your time cleaning the confetti that was on this card!”
Sassy and Sexy

To celebrate your partner’s birthday Why not add some spice? These sassy and flirty messages will surely make them feel in a celebration mood.”wink, wink”!

92. “I wanted to mail you something sexually attractive, but the mailman told me to take my mailbag out of the box. This is why I’m sending you a card instead!”

93. “You might have wrinkles or an age spot of bright red in your nose but you’ve have an a** that is killing. Happy Birthday baby! I am so happy for you! Love, Your Young Wife.”

94. “Old as a pig, but you are still look so cute! I wish you the best birthday ever and many more to be to Happy birthday, “old man””

95. “Happy birthday to you, my sweetheart! I’m throwing a party in my pants, and you’re invited! Hehe!”

96. “I am in love with you to the core of my heart! I’d like to claim my heart however, my butt’s more. My butt loves you!”

97. “It’s your birthday so I’ll blow your horn. Happy Birthday!”

98. “As we get older I will cherish you more than ever before. I will love your wrinkles and crinkles whenever you smile and smile and frown. I will pamper you with my extra fat, loose skin and a sagging stomach! A steamy kiss, like it’s our first. In the end, whether hard or not we’ll make love as if it’s one of our own!”

99. “Since this is your day, I’ll keep the lights on.”
Pop Culture

Pop culture references do double duty. They make you sound trendy and contemporary, however, they also serve as an archive when you look back within 20 years (because everybody has their birth certificates this long, isn’t it?). Take a moment to laugh today, and then a second one after!

100. “Happy birthday! Let’s have a party by going to ‘Schittfaced” somewhere!”

101. “Why was it that the angry Jedi take a detour? In order to reach that dark side! We wish you the most wonderful birthday!”

102. “For the occasion of your birthday what would you like ‘True crime and wine’. “Happy birthday!”

103. “Happy Birthday to me and my most loved muggy. I love you as much as Dobby likes socks!”

Love You Love You, Love You, Hate You Happy Birthday!

It’s a love-hate bond. Your annoying little brother you admire so much. Your most trusted friend who can make you mad. You love them but you sometimes dislike them. We don’t get it either! We wish them a Happy Birthday however.

104. “You’re an alcoholic most of the time, but I love you!”

105. “Your pee stinks however, until they cause me to die, I will always cherish you. Happy birthday! I am so sorry, you little turd.”

106. “Listen up, punk! It’s been enjoyable watching you develop to become an independent young man. Happy 18th birthday!”

107. “Happy day to most disgusting person I’ve ever known. You make me angry nearly every day. However, I still have affection for you. Enjoy a slice of cake and dance around with the cakes!”

108. “Hope your day is a fantastic day. I am grateful (most often) that I am blessed to have you as my sister! I love you!”

109. “Happy birthday to yooooouuuuu! I hope that your birthday is as unique, bizarre and memorable as yours! We cherish you and are grateful that we have sons who is like you!”

110. “You’re very oily and I am in love with you, I suppose. Your grease doesn’t get out from my unconditional love, hehe. Also, you smell as my dog. A bad smell. I love you.”
Vaginal Journey Day of Remembrance

Let’s face it as it is: birthdays are just a reminder of the day that someone ripped-roared out of their mom’s uterus. Send a birthday message which also pays tribute to the vagina of that mom’s.

111. “Another day has passed since you slipped out of an ovarian cyst! “Happy birthday!”

112. “Happy Vaginal Journey Remembrance Day!”

113. “Happy birthday! Thank you for coming out of your mother’s vagina.”

114. “I hope you enjoy an amazing day celebrating the 35th anniversary of your vaginal descent!”

115. “Best wishes for the day that your face touched the vagina of your mother.”
Parents Are Getting It On

Ewwwww!! Fun or cringe-worthy? It’s an art of balancing the two! It’s probably best to keep these messages for people who know have a great ability to laugh.

116. “Happy Day of Birth! I’m so thankful that your parents were able to give you a chance to be.”

117. “So thankful that your parents had it on that day to the late 40’s. There was war everywhere there was talk of an imminent invasion by the Japanese but two lovebirds found some time in bombing raids to get you.”

118. “I’m happy that your parents swung by Uglies just 33 years ago. We don’t even know what we’d have done in the absence of you!”

119. “I’m happy that your parents gave you a chance. What would you do that they wouldn’t have? I did it and it was the most painful five seconds of my entire week.”
In the past In The Day

The speed that the world is evolving right this moment can be perplexing. Think back to the days before the internet? Remember simpler times.

120. “Happy birthday to those who are old enough to remember how it feels to pee without a phone! Enjoy your day and a great butthead!”

121. “Do you and your fellow funky young kids of who are your age still use the word “dope”? When you and I were children, we would use words such as ‘wack and “buck wild,” and “ridiculavolkoff’. Anyway, I hope you have fun celebrating your birth day and mark it with a stiff glass… that is, of the kool-aid.”

122. “Happy birthday! Because you’re getting older I thought I’d do something more old-fashioned than snapping you while I go shit.”

123. “May your Facebook walls be full of birthday wishes from friends whom you’ve never met or seen in a while or truly do not care at all about.”

Fun Memories

Just like a good joke, bringing back happy memories of the funny moments you’ve shared with your birthday girl or boy will certainly make them smile on their face. We wish you a great time!

124. “Wishing you a very joyful and exciting birthday! Remember the time in Greece you believed that olive trees were grapes? We remember hehe. I hope you have a great birthday celebration!”

125. “Remember when I went from the home at 13 and you awoke before me with a policeman standing on your porch? The time you gave me money (haha okay… it was more than one time). …)?”

126. “Happy birthday! What is it with us turning 25 this year? We were only in middle school, and Carowinds and Chili’s became our favorite places to go haha! Make the year 25 the most memorable ever!”

127. “I’ll never forget the Dodgers game that you went to with us. The man was selling tickets from car to vehicle and completely exposed his butt crack when he leant over to speak to the car that was next to us. Ha ha ha ha! I have many fond memories of you! I hope you have a wonderful birthday!”

Ideas for Birthday Messages to send on a Belated Birthday

Oops!! You didn’t give your loved one an anniversary card… Doh! As the saying is Better tardy than never! So , send that late birthday greeting and make use of one of these perfectly acceptable excuses (you’re accepted! ).

128. “Now after all the birthday wishes of everyone else have gone out of the window Here’s a big birthday wish from me! “Have a wonderful (belated) day!”

129. “I decided that we all love vintage collectibles , so I let your birthday card ripen just a bit to get you to catch up with your older tot! I’m not kidding… this card really isn’t really old! Haha love ya!”

130. “I realize that this card is old but at my age, my memory hasn’t improved to like it used to be. …”

131. “It would be me if my card and gift weren’t late!”
Now send Your Favorite Funny Birthday Messages!

Make a list of cards that makes them laugh and laugh, since isn’t laughter the greatest birthday present you can give? It’s as simple as copying and pasting. We’ll write the fun birthday card message and then mail it to you!