Top 10 highlights of Chris Adams’ first Surrey team talk

• “Preparing for the new season is like…preparing to climb a mountain, you start at base camp, pack your kit and I identify the people who will make the climb successful.” (See actual video)

• Poster of Phil “The Power” Taylor on wall of sporting legends behind him actually James Ormond’s website profile pic from 2007 season.

• “Rory, your captaincy is key to our success; I want you to grow into the role. That also explains the size of your new team shirt and the lettering on the back.”

• Repeated references to “Napoleonic approach” suggest Adams’ school history class only covered period up to 1814.

• The cheeky wink whenever he mentions loyalty.

• Ten minutes in, Graham Thorpe wins staff buzzword bingo game when he crosses off ‘Surrey 2.0′ from his playing card.

• “The temperament of a talented player is like a delicate flower, one gust of critical wind can… Mark, where are you going?… Ramps, come back, I didn’t mean you specifically… Someone call maintenance, that door’s almost off its hinges.”

• Several players leave with impression Paradigm and Synergy are new Kolpak signings.

• After meeting, cleaners find team have left behind 7 paper darts, 2 origami swans, 1 sketch of Adams and Hamilton-Brown as Dr Evil and Mini-me, plus detailed instructions of where to find the best local dogging sites.

…and one for all Sussex fans out there…

• “Success is like a drug…addictive, often hidden from view but if you know the right places, can be bought at the seaside. “