Ey up,

Had ill-fortune led their lives down a different path, Paul Allot and Nick Knight might well have found themselves living on the streets of Manchester and Birmingham, decked out in ill-fitting clothes, eyes betraying lost dignity as they disturb onlookers with garbled fragments of nonsensical conversation. Instead, a career in semi-professional sport has washed them up into the Sky Sports commentary box, where, decked out in ill-fitting clothes, voices betraying lost dignity, they disturb that channel’s helpless subscribers with garbled fragments of nonsensical conversation. Such is the nature of fate.

I mention this as Sky Sport’s bland verbal wallpaper has now become the default background noise in the Yorkshire dressing room when a match is being televised. Nowt wrong with having the coverage on, of course, as Sky’s various technical gizmos provide DoubleM with valuable insight into which of the umpires is most obviously giving lbws based on sherry addled guesswork.

What I can’t fathom is why the younger players in particular would rather follow the match on TV than from the balcony. It seems that for the iPad generation, reality is a bit of a letdown and nowhere near as authentic as Sky HD. So down they plonk in front of the screen, mesmerised by the high definition view of Nick Knights’ nasal hair and flabbergasted that the Paul Allott they see in widescreen could have ever fitted through the gates in front of Lancashire’s pavilion.

Fine for them, but even with your back to the damn thing, the TV commentary sneaks up and smothers you from behind like a blanket of sound performing an involuntary assisted suicide in a corrupt retirement home. Tonight’s highlight of witless wondering was Nick Knight’s bewilderment when Yorkshire’s innings slowed after Gloucestershire brought on their slow bowlers. Quite why he was so surprised is beyond me; perhaps he’s not noticed that collectively, Yorkshire, particularly since the retirement of Lehmann and White, play spin with the enthusiasm of a seven year old pushing a piece of overcooked broccoli round his plate.

Bloody, Nick Knight. Jeremy Coney would have understood what was happening. And I bet he doesn’t dance like a lame penguin…

Anywho, none of this detracts from another win, but what does take the gloss off is the fact we’ve still not secured a semi-final place. In fact, given the current table we could still need to win all three remaining games to be sure of a home tie and a chance for Nick Knight to parade his confused face round the broad acres yet again…

Oh, and by the way, in case you weren’t sure, I’m not a big fan of Sky…

Si’thee later,

Len

Result: Yorkshire won by 23 runs

My Man of the Match: Richard Pyrah

[Scorecard]